i lean too heavily on other people
and let myself feel too much
and then when they are gone
i don’t know what to do or how to react
and situations i used to be able to deal with
and all i want is someone to hold my hand
and tell me that it will be ok
one day i will find someone
who puts the stars in my sky
and i’ll be the sun to their moon
and all these little bumps in the road won’t matter
all the “could have beens” will become “glad they didn’ts”
and i will be happy
and it will be okay
it’s sad because
i don’t actually know what i am doing with my life
or who i want to be
and nothing is stable
and everything is messy
and i try so hard to stay optimistic
and most days i can
but then i get to weekends like this
where i feel like i’m failing everything
and it gets really
i’m so conflicted, all the time
half the time i’m happy that i’m single and able to focus on my life, that things didn’t work out with my last girlfriend or the ones before that
half the time i’m sad and lonely and wishing that i wasn’t alone and wishing that just for once it would work out for me
and it’s not that i miss these people, or that i want them back, because i’m not an idiot and i don’t do unrequited, i can’t handle the angst that comes out of it for too long
but i just want to be happy and start my damn life
if i had a penis i would probably put cute stickers all over it
your lines are so eighties movie
but i like it
Hey lil llama lemme whisper in your ear
not a single one of my friends knows the fucking half of what goes on in my house.
not one of them even knows the HALF of the absolute fucking awful treatment I get from my dad.
I’ve said a million fucking times that I am at the end of my rope and I can’t take anymore but it is really all just starting to fucking pile up.
there comes a point when you can’t take any more hits. there comes a point when you just fucking fall & you can’t find it in you to get back up. that point isn’t far away and I fucking know it, my whole fucking family knows it and they don’t do ANYTHING. they can claim to love & support me and that’s nice but when someone is left to be torn down over & over again love doesn’t mean anything.
I don’t deserve the treatment I get, and I can’t handle it anymore.
and I’m fucking stuck here. that’s the worst part of all of it. stuck to sit here and be torn down again and again and again. soon there will be nothing fucking left.
i legitimately think that my inability to function in social situations is becoming a serious problem
like my anxiety never used to really reach my ability to communicate in small groups or one on one but it is to the point that i can’t even do that and that isn’t a normal way to live